Christian culture is poppin’ right now. We have young, fresh celebrity preachers, Instagram famous Christian influencers, mega churches, lit conferences, poetry shows, and singles meet ups. Now-a-days, everybody is modeling their latest Christian apparel and showing off their new merch and devotion to Christ online. Sunday mornings before church, we look forward to Starbucks, seeing our friends, our crush, or for the mimosa we’ll have at brunch afterward. We pick out our outfits, and gossip about upcoming church events during service. Don’t get me wrong, Christian culture is good and necessary. But overtime, Christian culture can become noisy and distracting. If you’re like anything me, it’s easy to become mesmerized by the frivolities of ministry and forget the reason behind the ministry in the first place— an authentic relationship with Jesus.
I’m guilty of having wandering eyes during worship. These past few Sundays at church, I look around and observe. I look at the women at the alter crying and in simply awe of Jesus, and then I look to my pastor and church leadership. I’d think things like, wow, I wish I could just worship like them, if only I was as wise as my pastor, and if only I could just pray like my first lady. Last week, I felt like I had hit a rock in my walk with Christ. Like I couldn’t go any further. I felt like everyone had a higher level of access to God’s deliverance, peace, and healing than me. I felt like I was an outsider looking in, in hopes to find bits and pieces of Jesus throughout my day. I watched others experience and be transformed by Him, but I could barely get to His presence for myself. All the time I spent reading about and pursuing Him felt so fruitless. All of my worship and energy used to serve Him felt so unproductive. I knew that I was barely scratching the surface of how intimate our relationship could truly become. But I continued to seek Him the only way I knew how. But daily, I would end up spending more time watching sermons and on my favorite Christian poets Instagram page, than I would in prayer. I would faithfully and regularly listen to sermons on the internet more than I would faithfully and regularly be in the word of God and in prayer. I had reached a point that hearing God speak through others and my pastor felt more productive, than speaking to Him for myself. — and I think I liked it this way, for a while… it felt less laborious, I could rely on someone else’s relationship with God whilst reaping the benefits of what God said. This cycle became a pacifier for my unquenchable thirst for Jesus, until I realized that the work God was doing in others people could never spill over into my life unless I went to Him personally.
So God eventually hit me with a rude awakening. He said, “Our relationship is parasitic…When you hear from me, it’s always through someone else. And when you seek me… it’s always at the hands of other people… A pastor, an influencer, or Instagram or twitter…Slip away and seek me for yourself and close the door behind you.
After hearing this I felt convicted like never before. I realized that’d I’d become so selfish and wrapped up in the advancement of ministry that I had forgotten why ministry was important in the first place. I had become so mesmerized by the character and personality of my pastor and by the workings of other Godly preachers and influencers that I had placed my relationship with Jesus on the back burner. I had become more caught up in the character of certain men than I was caught up in Jesus. This new awareness deeply saddened me and led me to days of relentless repentance and prayer. During that time, I was reminded that all men are fallible. There is no man holier than another, but we are all sinful, wretched beings in need of a merciful God. This gentle reminder set me free. It reminded me that no man on earth will feed me more than Jesus can. And it reminded me that everyone, has equal access to Him no matter the circumstance. My pastor and I have equal access to God. The people in the Bible and I have equal access to God. These big time influencers and I have equal access to God. This reminder was beautiful because I realized I can get as close to Him as I desire without the intercession or approval of anyone else.
Dear ones, you’re doing yourself a disservice if you have a parasitic relationship with Jesus— in which a man hears from God and you feed off him. You cannot merely depend on another human to hear from God for you. You can’t live your life based upon the realities of other people. You see, I greatly admire Bishop T.D. Jakes, but I can’t live off the words of T.D. Jakes. I have to experience it myself. Be careful not to let the noise of Christian culture distract you from the source. Be careful not to let posts from Christian influencers and bi-weekly small group become a replacement for your relationship with Jesus. Challenge yourself to be alone with God and walk with Him when no one else can go. While your friends are attending conferences, be alone with Him. While your friends are instagramming pictures from their mission trips, slip away for prayer. Seek his face in silence without the coffee and distractions. Never forget that you have infinite access to experience Jesus and all of His glory, and all of His power for yourself.
Xoxo,
Tori