1. Tell us about yourself. What’s your story?
Hey friends! My name is Makayla, I am a Kansas City native, wife, creative, and mother that loves to serve family and community through my voice, hands, heart, and my local church. Kansas City is the place that shaped who I am today. As I believe God is the writer of my story, in this current season he is writing my story of new motherhood. From a teen girl that birthed a nonprofit to serve young girls in the community to now a stay at home mother raising a little girl of my own, this chapter of my story is one that involves commitment, sacrifice, dedication, and change mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
2. How has motherhood impacted your mental health (both positively and negatively)?
Motherhood has impacted my mental health in a variety of ways. First, let me start with the positives. Motherhood is absolutely life changing and a breath of fresh air. When I first learned that I was pregnant, I began to envision life with a little girl immediately. I began to think about all the things that I would be sacrificing becoming a mother. I love the way she makes me laugh as her personality grows and her smile as she discovers new things about herself. It has changed the way I process life decisions that I know will impact the future of my daughter for the better. It has created a space to relate to my very own mother who raised me and the joy she had raising girls. I understand even more why my mother would tell me how much she enjoys motherhood even while her kids are full grown adults. Mentally I feel stronger than before knowing that I have a little one depending on me and can offer her a good life. I have some hard days but I don’t stay there because I know those hard days don’t outweigh the amazing ones.
Negatively, motherhood has a lot of different pressures that the world gives. Honestly, I believe that the responsibility of motherhood in our society today has impacted my mental health. Before becoming a stay at home mother, there were so many blogs that had a negative undertone of the stay at home mom life. Reading them affected making the decision to leave the workplace to be home with my daughter and although I desired to do it, I heard more about the challenges than the joys of it. I then had to remember that the confirmation to take the leap of faith would come from God and not man. As I do love reading blogs and hearing others stories, not all of them were good for my mental health when it came to making decisions. It created a lot of uncertainty and doubt that left me stuck. I say, Google can be your friend, or your worst enemy. I often have to decide how I will allow it to affect me mentally because let’s be honest, that is where many mothers spend time searching when something is going on with their pregnancy and postpartum journey.
3. What is postpartum depression? Have you or a close loved one experienced it after giving birth? If so, explain. What’s your advice for mothers who have dealt with or are currently experiencing this.
Postpartum depression is a common thing that occurs amongst mothers that birthed their baby. It is a time where mothers become overwhelmed with their body changes and the healing that has to happen after birth while caring for a new baby. For a mother, this can cause many moments of sadness, anxiety, guilt, and more. It is a time where sadness takes over the enjoyment of motherhood because of the new changes of dealing with a baby and recovering from birth. I have had others close to me experience postpartum depression but I would say I went through postpartum blues at the very beginning. Postpartum blues can occur a few days and weeks after the baby is home. It can result in postpartum depression symptoms like anxiety but tends to be less severe and may not last as long.
As I thought I would only experience postpartum blues, the intensity of postpartum anxiety really began to shape up around the time my daughter was 8 months after noticing my body was not healing at the rate that I thought it would. I was highly frustrated with my body image and taking multiple trips to my doctor’s office to gain clarity on what was happening to my body. Even months after the one and only postpartum checkup I was given. Sometimes postpartum anxiety and depression don’t show up right away and that is something I did not know post birth. My advice to mothers would be to ask many questions leaving the hospital if you are unsure of how you should care for yourself and your baby, ask family members or friends to cook a few meals for the first couple of weeks of motherhood and learn the signs of postpartum blues and depression before birth and things you can do if you start to experience it. If you have a sense you are dealing with postpartum depression, I would highly encourage checking back in with your doctor to share the kind of postpartum symptoms you are experiencing physically and emotionally to seek direction on what is needed for support. You are not weak for needing extra support. Motherhood grows over time, not overnight. Lastly, take a breather and step outside the house at times. That was something that was hard for me to do because I felt I was needed every second with my child but I found how much I needed it to regroup as it was healthy for me and my daughter.
4. What’s the best part of motherhood thus far? What is the hardest part about motherhood thus far?
The best part of motherhood thus far is being able to stay home with my daughter everyday. As daycares are great at being able to support families and develop milestones in children, there is a different feeling of being able to be home with my daughter everyday and bond through book reading, activities, laughs, naps, and more. It is also very cool that I get to capture and witness every single one of her milestones and share them with my husband while he is at work. It is a joy to get out of bed, walk in her room and see her jumping up and down in her crib because she is seeing mommy or daddy for the first time of a new morning.
The hardest part about motherhood thus far is overcoming mom guilt. Sometimes I have days where I feel like I am not doing enough for my husband and my daughter. Although they don’t put pressure on me, I tend to put that extra pressure on myself. Sometimes I neglect my own self-care because I want to make sure my family is taken care of mentally, spiritually, and emotionally but I have found that the only way that can happen is if I am taking care of myself first. The new identity of becoming a mother has brought a lot of fears, worries, stress, and shame. It is overcoming mental barriers that allows me to be free and who God has called and equipped me to be as a mother. Although God extends such a warming level of grace, I find it hard at times to embrace that grace while juggling the duties of motherhood.
5. What is your advice for mothers who are dealing with chronic stress or worry in regards to their baby (i.e. pandemic, safety, health, reaching milestones, etc)?
My advice for mothers dealing with stress and worry is to give themselves grace and do something for themselves even if they have to push themselves to do it whether it is going to walk for 15 minutes without the baby, hanging out with a friend that would be willing to listen to your new journey of motherhood, and journaling about each stage of motherhood. There are many times I have to push myself to get out of the house because I know it will be refreshing for me and my daughter.
Lastly, don’t hesitate to express health concerns with your doctor during this current climate in a pandemic and things you are uncertain of being a new mom. There were many times I felt silly asking certain questions but each time I did, it gave me peace and comfort with an answer. Many of the worries you will find on mom forums will not always be your baby’s situation like reaching milestones or being sick. You may feel like your baby is behind at a certain stage of their life but talking with a professional will give clarity on where your baby should be. Choosing a doctor/professional that you trust decreases chronic stress and worry when having those conversations. It feels good when professionals genuinely care about the wellbeing of a mother and her new baby.
6. How quickly did you “connect” with your daughter? Was it challenging learning to connect with a newborn?
It took me at least 4 weeks to fully feel the natural connection with my daughter, especially since I was breastfeeding and learning so many new things. At the hospital, you have nurses coming in and out of the room to check on you and the baby so the bonding time didn’t truly kick in until I was home with her everyday. There were so many times I felt like I had more questions than answers and there were no longer nurses around that I could ping to come in my room anymore, it was just me, my husband, and daughter journeying together and learning one another as a family. The challenge of connecting was the times I felt like I did not know what I was doing or feeling guilty for being frustrated at the new adjustments. It was the times where things did not feel “natural” like I thought they would be as soon as I got home. With the help of my sister and friends, they began to counsel me through my breastfeeding journey and once I got it down, the bond grew more and more every single day. Now I feel like a pro at sensing what my daughter needs but that all took a bit of time.
7. Was your pregnancy emotional? Did you experience depression, anxiety, or other emotional difficulties during your pregnancy? If so, how did you overcome it? If not, explain your pregnancy journey and how it impacted you.
My pregnancy was very emotional in the beginning. I would say that the beginning of my pregnancy was a lot more emotional than the beginning of my postpartum journey. The level of prenatal anxiety and depression I had was very new to me. I did not expect to be very sick and although it was normal for some mothers to experience some of the symptoms I experienced, it felt unbearable my first trimester. I felt like I was failing myself, my husband, and my job when I had to take off work due to sickness. There were many times I felt like my sickness was going to result in my daughter not developing the way she should. I was used to being on the go and when I had to slow down, it made me feel less than, undervalued, and not enough in the work I was doing.
I overcame this by admitting to myself and my job about what I was struggling with so they could know how to support me through my sickness. I often talked things out through prayer and face to face conversations with my husband and my mother. I had to be very clear on the support I needed even if it felt embarrassing to share. I was super excited when I found out I was expecting, I just had no idea how my body was going to respond to growing a baby. One of the key things that I know to do in the future is to not apologize for the way my body is responding to childbearing and to not be afraid to lighten my load because carrying a human is work all by itself.
8. What is your advice for single mothers struggling to juggle new motherhood and work and other life responsibilities?
First of all single mom, you’re doing an AMAZING job if no one has told you already. I would advise single moms to get connected with a small group of moms they share some of the same interests with. But not just any group, a small group that is fitting for them and their journey. There are plenty of social media motherhood support groups but that may not be the type of support every mother is looking forward to.
I remember starting a small informal book club reading the book Risen Motherhood and the group had a mixture of married and single mothers. It was really nice to see the married mothers affirm the single mother and commend her for the work she does that may seem to go unnoticed by others. I loved that we didn’t allow marital statuses to put another mother in a box. Being connected with a trusted small group allows a closed space of openness, vulnerability, and encouragement when life with motherhood gets heavy. I heard a mom say in her vlog, “Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.” That resonated with me because there are still so many times where I see needing help as a sign of weakness. Whether married or single, motherhood comes with a lot of different changes and support is needed going through the journey. You don’t have to go through motherhood alone. There are so many people that want to cheer you on and love on your and you children.
9. How has pregnancy and motherhood impacted your physical health and wellness and sleep hygiene?
Can we get honest? I know a lot of mothers don’t like hearing the “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice but I do understand why others say that. You spend days and nights not getting a lot of sleep during your last trimester and not getting sleep when a newborn is adjusting to life outside of the womb. As much as sleep is needed, it doesn’t always happen when the baby is sleeping because sometimes those are times when a mother wants to do something for themselves like take a shower, call a friend, or watch a movie. At the beginning of motherhood, I was extremely sleep deprived even with the help of my amazing husband. Either I was up on the hour breastfeeding or not able to sleep because my body was in discomfort due to diastasis recti, a second-degree tear from my natural birth.
As a mother that’s petite in size, I heard so many people say to me, “You’re small, you will bounce right back.” I thought that same thing until I found myself past six months of motherhood still dealing with pain in my stomach and visiting my doctor’s office multiple times. For months, I was bothered by a bulge, pain, and discomfort in my stomach and could not get an answer of what it was. After multiple visits, I was referred to a surgeon and found out that I had a hernia, something I personally haven’t heard of before. A hernia can involve pain, swelling, or a bulge in the stomach. After a postpartum ultrasound that came back normal and a variety of blood work tests that showed no signs of anything, I felt relieved that I finally knew what was causing my pain. However, it still took some time to know that my body has truly changed. As I have been petite in size all my life, this was the first time I struggled with body image from the new changes post birth and even acne that formed on my face. As I did know my body would go through changes, I had no idea it would go through this many changes. Through it all, I would do it all over again because the love of growing a child can’t compare to the birth pains associated with the journey.
10. It is widely known that motherhood is extremely time consuming, and sometimes it can become so consuming, that it begins to “takes over” your identity. How do you maintain the balance between your identity and your personal interests and endeavors and motherhood. How do you stay grounded in who you are, without the extension of your baby?
Motherhood definitely does reshape your identity from what you were used to. You have a whole human that you love and is needy of you in so many ways. As a stay at home mom, I started a creative business through custom children’s books where I enjoy being able to create on my own terms and have fun with it. I thrive in community so being connected with my local church, blogging, and creating allows me to still make an impact and connect with others that I love and enjoy being around. I also have enjoyed going out to play basketball with my husband just like we used to before our daughter arrived. I always have to remind myself that before I was a mom, I was so many other things and that does not have to change. In fact, investing in personal interests as a mother is both beneficial for me and my daughter because when I am enjoying life, using my gifts and investing in my personal interests, it helps me to stay refreshed and enjoy connecting with my daughter.
Lastly, I personally like to keep a biblical perspective of motherhood. Although there is no rule book in this world for mothers to follow, the word of God truly helps order my steps and exemplify a Christian mother. I enjoy reading a lot of Christian mom blogs about motherhood and how they allow the gospel to transform their everyday view of motherhood. Journaling, reading, investing in my personal interests alone helps me stay grounded as a woman, mother, wife, and all the other responsibilities in my life.