About Micaela:
“I am a 22 year old nanny of 3 children living in Lawrence, Kansas. I am working on my degree in psychology with an emphasis in child development, and English literature. I want to be a children’s librarian. Kids and reading are my greatest passions in life; along with caring for others and putting my best foot forward in this world.”
1. What does allyship look like to you? What are the first steps one should take to begin doing the work of becoming anti-racist?
Allyship is exactly that; being an ally, not the star of the show. It’s important to understand that you don’t understand, but that you care enough to try. When a person of color shares an experience, or you witness an injustice done to a person of color, you can’t really echo with, “me too” but you can say, “I hear you, I see you, and I’m by your side.”
I think a lot of people struggle with the concept of it not being about them. We are all the protagonist of our own story, but the world is made up of far more stories than your own. Including black stories, ones that I don’t share, but I respect. So, the first step in becoming anti-racist is to look outside of yourself. Educate yourself. Listen. Learn. I can’t emphasize those things enough. Don’t rely on your own feelings and experiences to dictate your opinions on racism because your perception of it will always be white. Don’t limit your world view to your own eyes.
2. How can one recognize or begin to recognize their own implicit bias and prejudice, in regards to race?
Allow yourself to be honest that you have them, and then forgive yourself for having them. “Racist” is such a shameful thing to be called today. Even most racists will deny being racist. (For example, that white person you know who judges people by their race every day but claims they aren’t racist because they have a black friend they really love). The truth is, we all have implicit biases and prejudices, and they vary greatly from person to person. It’s human, and it’s actually inevitable. Instead of trying to defend that you aren’t racist in an attempt to show that you are a good person, listen to the people or sources calling you out. It’s not about being perfect, but about being compassionate. You need to be okay with bringing your wrongs to the surface so that you can right them. Rather you choose to live in denial or not, real people do suffer from our internalized bigotry, and we owe it to those people to not hide in our comfort zone.
3. Let’s say a white male or female is hanging out with their friends or family, and someone makes a racist/ignorant comment. What are your tips for confronting and educating them in a respectful way?
I was raised in a small, 99.9% white, farm town in the bible belt. My family and the people around me are/can be racist. They truly don’t believe they are, and they are god-fearing, loving human beings who mean well but yes, they can be prejudice. I am known for being the liberal who you can’t say unpolitically correct things around. In fact, I can never remember a time when I wasn’t, even as a kid. I didn’t have a sudden realization about it or a moment of clarity. I just always grew up hearing racist remarks and thinking, “That doesn’t settle right in my heart.” That’s when the wrongness of racism settled, in the heart. You can find it in the brain too, or deep in your gut, but mostly in the heart. So that’s usually the best place to speak from when you’re talking to the people who haven’t quite figured it out yet. Speak from the heart, assertively but not angrily (even if it makes you extremely angry). People are more likely to respond to gentleness than being attacked. But most important of all, don’t be quiet.
4. Why is it important for people from the dominant group in America to empathize and actively help black Americans break down the systems against them, even though it doesn’t necessarily “benefit” them to do so?
Because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the compassionate, empathetic, caring, and loving thing to do. It’s hard for me to try to explain to anyone why they should care about others. Why would you not? How could you not? But if you need a rational reason to do the moral thing, then ask yourself how much we as a society are missing out on by holding half of us back. There are so many beautiful things that we can all experience by putting the best of what we all have in the pot. White people are also disadvantaged by the disadvantage of people or color, just in a different way. We are cheating ourselves out of a richer life, a more whole society, and a sense of harmony that can only be achieved when people aren’t tiered by the color of their skin.
5. White fragility is: discomfort and defensiveness on the part of a white person when confronted by information about racial inequality and injustice. How can white people, in your opinion, overcome this feeling?
I think there are generally three kinds of internal conflicts that occur within a white person when confronted with black issues. The first one is a worry that they will say the wrong thing, or accidentally sound tone deaf without meaning to, so that anxiety causes them to pull back and stay in a comfortable space. This one comes from a good place, but it also stalls any productiveness. It’s an unwillingness to sacrifice their comfortability for the greater solution. To this person, I would say that you do not have to be uncomfortable because it isn’t an attack on you, it’s an attack on the issues that take place between us. If you aren’t engaging in that discourse, then you become part of the problem.
The second is someone who refuses to admit that there is a problem because they are living blindly in the bubble of themselves. They get defensive because they don’t feel as though they have white privilege. Maybe they grew up poor, with a terrible home life, and got knocked down every step of the way. They then feel invalidated in their struggle because everyone is telling them that they have it easy being white. So they are defensive. To that person, I would assure that no reasonable person would say your life can’t be hard while white. If anyone should be able to sympathize, it’s the person who had things hold them back too. Race is just another unique set of barriers a person has to deal with all throughout their entire life. This one is unique even from the barriers that being poor, uneducated, ect would provide, because you can’t stop being black. You can change your financial status, but you cannot change your race. But what we can change is the stigma and oppression surrounding it. Look outside of yourself and have a little more empathy. No one is invalidating a struggle by highlighting another.
The third is a discomfort that comes from awareness. Someone who knows they are racist, who knows they have prejudices, and who knows that they will not agree with whatever peace-making discourse is occurring. These people are fragile in their whiteness because they somehow feel that the prospect of equality is threatening it. They don’t want equality, or justice, or to look hard at themselves in the mirror with the lights all the way up. They want the status quo to continue. To those people, I would say that a lot of work is required to overcome such a deeply resonated bigotry and I hope they get there.
6. Can you explain why white silence is unacceptable, during this time?
If anti-racism is an alliance to people of color, then white silence is an alliance to the racists. Saying nothing is just as dangerous as saying something hateful. When it comes to injustice in humanity, there is no middle ground or fence riding. You aren’t “playing it safe” when you remain lukewarm. You are just melting into the sea of oppressors, and leaving the people who need your help alone. If you’re worried about pleasing people, or being liked by all (I struggle with this too because I’m a natural peacekeeper) then that’s okay. But never sacrifice your morals and convictions to keep the peace. No one looks back on people who didn’t speak out in the holocaust with gratitude for all the family dinners that went off without argument. If you’re not speaking up because it doesn’t really affect you, then I would very frankly say to stop being selfish.
For more on this topic, I would strongly recommend reading MLK Jr’s essay about the “white moderate” in “Letters from Birmingham Jail”.
7. What are some helpful/ respectful ways or phrases to say to check on your black friends, co-workers, and loved ones, during this time?
“How are you doing? I hope you know you’re loved and seen and appreciated by so many people.”
“Are you okay? The world has given you plenty of reasons to feel overwhelmed but I’m here to listen.”
8. How has racial injustice impacted your mental health, as a white American? Does the past or current actions of your ancestors and white counterparts make you feel guilty, uncomfortable, or any negative feelings in any way?
Racial injustice and the state of the world has impacted my mental health from a simple place of empathy and compassion. I am overwhelmed with my sympathy of others, and a sense of powerlessness to stop it at times. I am afraid for others, hurt for others, and angry for others. I also feel really ashamed of the actions/words of my loved ones who are on the wrong side. I don’t feel guilt though on a personal level. I actually feel sort of proud that I do and say things every day that I know in my heart are right, and loving, and human. I am happy knowing that my confederate ancestors are rolling over in their graves right now as I do everything in my power to uplift the people they so violently threw down. Sometimes feeling guilty by association is natural, but I would rather really take pride in disappointing my ancestors.
9. How has the publicity of racial injustice in the recent years impacted your friendships and relationships with other white Americans?
My view of so many people has changed. People who I thought were kind, compassionate, loving human beings have now taken a different place in my mind because I now know there is a limit to their kindness, compassion, and love that I can’t really comprehend. Some people are friends who I don’t feel as connected to, and some people are family who I am truly saddened by. I know that those people would also probably call me dramatic, or a leftist, or a snowflake but that tells me far more about them than me. It makes me realize that it’s easy to love your friends, easy to love the people you go to church with, and easy to love the people who agree with you, but loving a stranger and a stranger’s struggle is much more difficult for some people. Now I know who has limits to their love in my life.
10. How does education play a role in the fight against racism? What are some resources/ books for those interested in learning more about anti-racism?
Education is by far the most important thing, I think, in the fight against racism. So many people simply lack an understanding of the situation at hand, and would look at it differently if they had all the information. It’s far too complex for every average person to really grasp; how people are marginalized, systematic violence, symbolic violence, trauma being transmitted cross-generationally, epigenetics, ect. Everyone in my hometown loves to say that college turns you liberal. Uh, duh? Maybe there is a connection between being educated in a diverse setting and not being so racist! So take a black studies course, read books on racism, learn about trauma and our genes, study history, take an anthropology class, and talk to someone who doesn’t look like you.
Some resources are simply your peers! Ask them questions, and listen when they speak. Others are your college courses; take advantage of what you learn and tie it back to what is happening in the world because it is all connected. There are also so many good blogs and books to listen to. One of my favorite books to recommend to a white person is “Some of My Best Friend’s Are Black”. The title alone highlights a classic white phrase, and the book itself takes you all across America to look at how we are still segregated. It spends a lot of time talking about Kansas City, my home town adjacent. It’s a perfect read for a white person (like me) who grew up surrounded by other white people. There are a lot of us, and there is a reason why. Also, ask your black friends for recommendations too. They are bound to have a voice they want you to hear.